he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
