No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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