you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
