I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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