I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
