Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
