I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
