my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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