My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
