Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
