Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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