u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
