fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
