You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
He kissed a someone with a penis
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I think your dad took our porno
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
