so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
