just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
