I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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