Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
The power of my boobs compel you
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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