At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
