I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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