FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
