try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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