i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
