Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
