You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
