No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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