mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
