You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
