If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
