I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
