Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
