That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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