WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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