i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
