it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
