Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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