I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Randomize
