I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
