I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
