you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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