I didn't shave. On purpose
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
