are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
