What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
