you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
