I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
