1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
