Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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