I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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