I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
