I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
